It is a time of chaotic hormones.
Two nerdy gents home for winter break have discovered a female gamer at a midnight release.
During the break, the gamer trio manages to reveal the game’s secret boss, a hidden enemy with enough power to destroy anything in its path.
Pursued by other gamers who want to be the first to beat this boss, George and Katie race to level up, and, in so doing, restore decency and sexual activity to their personal galaxy…
“It shouldn’t be called a ‘midnight release’ if they don’t open the damn doors until ten past,” I complain to Anna, who’s only actually here because I needed a stupid ride. She’s texting like she’s a frigging surgeon and a small child’s life is dependent on her LOLs.
I loved the characters. It was the first book I've ever read where I could actually relate to the characters. It was like reading a story about my friends! (My favorite character was Lanyon. He's a hooligan)He might have a cool costume and he might have the balls to play a nearly unplayable character, but I have one thing he doesn’t. I have tits.
I turn back to the blank, not yet composed, email. “All right. I’ll keep it simple.” I type. Hello, this is George, the guy who handed you his FDX game. Any chance I can get the money for that? Is there some place we can meet up? I look at it. Lanyon reads over my shoulder. “Hmmm.” “‘Hmmm’ what? Does it sound too douchey? Forceful? Am I being a dick? How should I end it without coming off like a stalker?” “All good questions,” Lanyon says. Then he leans over and hits send. “Boom goes the dynamite.”
I highly recommend this book to anyone who isn't allergic to laughter, amusement, and shenanigans. This is one of the best books I have read of all ever. Read it immediately! ...then heckle me so I can fangirl over it with you.
“Amateurs,” Lanyon concurs. “I mean, they couldn’t have five water falls?”
“Your ironic wit is mind blowing, but choose your damn orbs,” I tell them. I consider. Magic, defense, offense, stealth, and charisma. I always go for magic as a black mage, but I wonder if a druid needs something else. Screw it. I need charisma in real life, too.
“Charisma?” Lanyon asks. “No one ever picks charisma.”
“We’re a party of a thief, druid, and a bard. We’re screwed regardless.”
“You two underestimate the mighty power of my lute,” George argues.
“Did you start with charisma?” Lanyon asks.
“Hell, no. I have charisma in spades. I started with stealth.”
“Great. A stealthy bard,” I sigh.
“She’s right,” Lanyon concedes. “We’re screwed.”
However, it actually isn’t bad at all at first. We power through the Estate and make it to the Yobanaria Dale with no resurrections and all at level ten. I’m impressed. George hasn’t actually fought anything, but he has some pretty awe-inspiring charm mastery already. I think I might have a serious crush. He seals the deal when he buffs my hailstorm spell without even being asked.
“Can you guys watch El Thiefelo? My mom wants me to eat supper,” Lanyon says.
“Yeah, we’ve got it,” I tell him. “The first boss is in the elven ruins anyway, so we should grind a bit. I think he’s a twelve.”
George and I explore the Dale, taking out bats and Joba spores. It’s fairly quiet, except for when we combo with his charms and my spells and he yells out, “Eat lute, bitch,” but it’s nice. We work well, almost inherently understanding each other. I’ve never been able to play this effectively with anyone. I try not to think about his eyes. Stupid boys, being cute and stuff.
By the time Lanyon comes back, we’re all at level 12, although Lanyon leveled up just by standing by a door while we played. Still, we are ready to take on Balsa the Proud. As a black mage, it took me about nine seconds. Trees don’t like fire. However, druids don’t have the same level of black magic and all elemental magic is weakened by the need to draw from the elements nearby. Sadly, trees seem to avoid storing fire runes in their villages. I expect this to be a little more challenging. It might even take fifteen seconds.
“First boss. Also known as the freebie bitch to sucker the young folks into a false sense of security,” Lanyon announces as he runs into the center of Balsa’s lair. The cinema plays and then, in a moment of pure absurdity, El Thiefelo is squished as Balsa steps on him.
“Can someone revive me?” Lanyon whines.