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Men and I are done. Whatever entertaining notions I enjoy while screwing around with the random guys that cross my path, are exactly that. Entertaining.
I don’t want more. I’m not capable of more. More would mean feeling. Would entail wanting. Desiring. And a slew of other emotions I haven’t experienced in over three years. And it’s not due to any stupid naïve intention of trying to keep my heart from breaking, nor is it as a result of having it broken by some poor slob who should have known better.
I can’t feel. I don’t have a heart. Period. And it's going to take more than following some magic yellow brick road to get me a new one.
Even if that road does lead straight to Riker ~The only soul on earth who's as close to being dead as I am... and brings me as close to being alive as I'll ever be.
*****Warning - This story contains adult material and possible emotional triggers for readers with a history of abuse*****
I don’t want more. I’m not capable of more. More would mean feeling. Would entail wanting. Desiring. And a slew of other emotions I haven’t experienced in over three years. And it’s not due to any stupid naïve intention of trying to keep my heart from breaking, nor is it as a result of having it broken by some poor slob who should have known better.
I can’t feel. I don’t have a heart. Period. And it's going to take more than following some magic yellow brick road to get me a new one.
Even if that road does lead straight to Riker ~The only soul on earth who's as close to being dead as I am... and brings me as close to being alive as I'll ever be.
*****Warning - This story contains adult material and possible emotional triggers for readers with a history of abuse*****
I wake up to find her still lying in my arms. This hasn’t happened before now. All the nights she’s spent here with me, we’ve never both fallen asleep. Together. Until last night. But then, a lot of things never happened before last night. Things that can’t be undone. Things I’m not sure I’m ready for, and I know she sure as hell isn’t.
I can feel her muscles tighten against me and for a moment I think she’s waking up. Then I see her face twist in pain with her eyes still sealed shut and I know she’s dreaming, face to face with whatever nightmares haunt her day in and day out. I know she thinks I can’t tell. Maybe she thinks I don’t care enough to notice anything beyond her beautiful face and amazing body, but that’s because that’s all I pay attention to when she’s watching. Because that’s all she wants me to see of her. But it’s not all I see. It’s never been. There’s always been more. And it’s the things she wants to hide from me the most that make me want to see her more.
“Quinn,” I whisper her name. I don’t want to startle her, but I can’t leave her trapped in her own subconscious hell. “Wake up.”
Her eyes flutter and immediately dart around the room as if she’s forgotten where she is. I feel her take a deep breath in as her chest moves against mine.
“Well, this is different.” I knew she’d do that. Make a joke to deflect from the possibility that we might have actually experienced some sort of emotional intimacy.
“You could say that.” I go along with her. I let her set the tone. Always have. Because she’s the wind and I’m the sail.
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