~ Spotlight ~
Sometime in the not so distant future...
In the wake of the destruction of New York City by a mad god, legends and former barflies of Bulfinche's Pub venture out to distant worlds as Startenders in order to help those in need, both human and alien. Join former bartender John Murphy, the head honcho of the barship Fools' Glory and its crew of tricksters - Loki, Coyote, the daughter of Pan, a dragon demi-goddess, a golden melog and a sentient plant in their latest adventures as they are called upon to stop the bastart descendants of Bast from achieving godhood with the help of an intergalactic spy network run by cats; are recruited by the Grim Reaper himself to stop a serial killer who slaughters entire planets; go on a collection job to the planet of Ogra to negotiate with a city's ruler, a woman who would rather let billions die than pay her whiskey bill; rescue an old friend from the emperor god of the interstellar Goblin Empire; work to stop a terrorist plot in orbit around the Earth; try to prevent a dying star from going supernova and wiping out three inhabited worlds and find the ultimate constellation prize. Praise for Startenders from the cast and crew: "Just when you think he can't get any better, Murphy manages to top himself and he hits one out of the solar system," - Murphy's Mom "Better than a year's supply of catnip," - Bast, cat-headed Egyptian goddess, Startender and head of the Cynosure spy network "Murphy's okay, but he's not that great. He was dumb enough to let me on his crew and foolish enough to lose a bet with me, which explains why he's wearing that ridiculous spandex sci-fi jumpsuit on the cover," - Coyote, Native American trickster god, Startender "Hilariously intelligent," -Luke Reviews |
- Excerpt -
“You’re lucky I even allowed you to do business with me. Why, most of our everyday technology must seem like magic to you.”
“No, I’ve seen magic. It’s much more impressive.”
Although this world had technology much more advanced than Earth, the existence of magic was not widely accepted here. Ogra’s tech was very imposing and included orbit based battle platforms that could hold off an armada. A full frontal assault on our part would have been foolhardy.
Vapella continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Let me assure you that my experts, from the greatest civilization in the galaxy, I might add, found your libations wanting.”
“So you went off-world then?” I said and got a glare for my trouble. Neither my trouble nor I wanted it and I did my best not to return it.
“No, I did not.”
“And who would these experts be?” I asked.
“Why me, of course.” Her smile was the best money on her world could buy, complete with shiny green teeth, but the condescension in it was all natural talent. “Your baleful beverage is barely better than urine.”
“So you are an expert on the taste of urine? Interesting. How many glasses a day do you have to drink to get that good? Where do you get the best urine? Do you find much work or do you have to hang around public rest rooms to practice? If it would help you perfect your craft, we’d be happy to trade some for what we need.”
“I was being invective.”
“You look it, but we’ve had our shots.”
Puns never translated well and I got a blank stare. I knew I was nervous and angry from the amount of wisecracking I was doing.
“Three billion lives on Gallop hang in the balance. We agreed to trade the whiskey for the solance.” Hermes was tending to the people as best he could. Assuming we got the solance, it would still take him the better part of a day to mix up the cure. For anyone else it would take a lot longer. Distributing it will take an estimated day and a half and that’s figuring in everyone we have available helping. That meant we didn’t have much time left to fix the issue with Lord Idiot here then get the solance to Gallop. “We approached you in good faith in order to save those people. As I understand matters, you took delivery after sampling the whiskey. Quite a lot of it.”
“Exactly. By the time I took delivery, I was drunk, and simply was not of sound mind. Under Ograte trade rules that invalidates the contract. And worse, I felt quite bad the next day.”
I put my hand on my forehead and tried not to yell. “You decide to get drunk, get a hangover because of that choice, and then use it as an excuse not to pay your bill. And cause billions of deaths.”
“I would not have put it so crudely. It’s not that I don’t feel for them. Perhaps the Gallopans have something else they’d like to trade. Maybe accepting my sovereignty. I’ve been looking to expand my holdings and an entire world would be nice.”
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